There will be some sucking at this party

Once in awhile, I get something where I wonder how I got on the mailing list. This is one of those times.

Swank, or Stank?

It seems to me that these three shouldn't be sending out any un-retouched photos of themselves. As I opened this invite, I sat in silence, blinking, wondering what exactly the market is for this event? Love your leathery skinned ladies? I'm not sure if it is Roxanne, Miriam or Marianna who is the woman for you. I'm imagining an army of balding, middle aged men, wondering which of these three to make their late model trophy wives. And you can picture what delights must await you in the "sexy Lingerie party". I'm sure more than a few scars.

Take me home wednesdays? More like stay home wednesdays.

And don't forget, less is more.

Shudder.

This party will suck

Why it will suck:
This party is so exclusive that anybody and joonbug.com can go.
The headline reads: "Vogue Italia Party Hosted by Supermodels Eve Salvail & Caron Bernstein w/ Special Guest DJ Omi @ The Plumm (7/5/2007)"
This party is so exclusive that anybody on joonbug gets access to the "vip text list". BTW, your phone probably won't work in the vip area.
In the mailer, they list "The Plumm is Co-Owned by Noel Ashman, Chris Noth, David Wells, Jesse Bradford, Samantha Ronson, Joey McIntyre, David Wells, Bo Dietl, Damon Dash, Ethan Browne, Ann Dexter-Jones, Ross Robinson, Jason Grimsley and Simon Rex." Oh boy. Doesn't that make you feel special. Does any other place advertise their minority partners? Does anybody on earth other than fat suburban 30 something housewives with 3 kids want to party with an ex new kid on the block?

This party will suck

Why it will suck:
A) its in the Hamptons, playground for those who make NYC a more miserable place, driving up our rents. Seriously, I'm always happy to stay in Manhattan during the summer because all these douches are away.
B) its at a club called Le Flirt, which is le dumbest name I have heard in a long time.
C) Its for a magazine called "Social life" which is an incredibly uninteresting name for a magazine and couldn't possibly be for anyone that I would wish to be social with.

This party will suck

"admission is at the door persons discretion" is always a sign of suck. The doorpeople have crappy tastes obviously, if you have ever checked out the line here. The only reason to ever go to this joint is for the open bar on friday nights at crash mansion, and to amateur female jello wrestling, doing its swansong this sunday, July 8 at Crash Mansion. I hear the dj is awesome at that jello thing. www.jellowrestle.com

Stolen from myopenbar.com

"Vodka, Vodka and more Vodkaopen vodka bar, no cover (RSVP only)
10-11pm
Duvet
45 west 21st St.,btw. 5th and 6th Ave.Chelsea(212) 989-2121
The name of this party makes me shed a proud Russian tear while the party itself makes me gag on my hipster vomit. There's a "strict upscale and trendy dress code" and a DJ playing top 40, pop, r&b, house and 80s music. Call Guido, Sal and Tommy and RSVP before 4pm on the day of the event to partypromoternyc@yahoo.com. "

Why it will suck: The dress code and the top 40 and r and b say it all.

This Party Will Suck: Don Carlo, but free booze

What's up with Don Carlo?

Why does it look like ALL of his parties will suck?

Anyways, to break down why this party in particular will suck, let's start with the flyer.

On the left half of the flyer is a saluting "hot chick" in a camo bikini top that barely covers her fake rack. Yuck...

The dude on the top right of the flyer pointing to the "Club Killer" (sp?) logo on his sweatshirt he thinks he's a badass gangsta, but in fact looks like a nerdy jew.

The DJ on the bottom right that looks very Bridge and Tunnel bland? Well, that's what every other guy at the party is going to look like: muscley (he's cycled once in his life, spends time lifting free weights at the gym), short hair (to keep it neat and appropriate for work, prevents him from using "faggy" hair products), some sort of gaudy necklace (dog tags, jesus, ice), a silkscreened T-shirt (to show he's trendy), Diesel Jeans (to show off his toned buttocks) and a leather jacket (to show his "edginess").

Now let's get to the deets:
Doors open 3PM
Dress code: Business Attire/trendy sexy 2 1 & Over ID Required


2 FOR 1 DRINKS 3-7PM
COMPLIMENTARY BUFFET
DINNER RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED
UNBEATABLE BOTTLE SPECIALS ALL NIGHT
CORPORATE OPEN BAR RATES AVAILABLE


SPECIAL GUEST DJ Hip Hop . Classics . Rock . Latin


Ladies Free til' 7pm, Reduced after w/DON CARLO MENTION
Gent's Free til' 7pm, Reduced after w/ DON CARLO MENTION
I don't even know where to start with this one.
Corporate Open Bar Rates?
So Pfizer, or Prudential, or (name your bland corporation here) is going to sponsor you to get Drunk at Don Carlo's party?

And why are there separate lines for Ladies and Gents getting in free and reduced?
Just saying in a gender non-specific way "Free till 7 and Reduced after w/ DON CARLO MENTION" isn't enough?

Next, what about spell check? "Gent's"

Anyways... that's enough ragging on Don Carlo for now -
I will make it to a Don Carlo Party one of these days and report back.

This Party Will Suck: BULLSHIT CONCEPT

This Party Will Suck:
Why?
Becauese Studio Mezmor was never the space that defined any "era"
Studio Mezmor will be full of Bridge and Tunnel poseurs buying into the idea with overpriced bottle service.

Studio 54 was a ERA

Studio Mezmor was not even close

This party will suck

Why: "very selective door"

This party will suck, but free booze

Why it will suck.
A. Advertised excitedly as being in the heart of MIDTOWN!!
Free drinks for ladies only at ten
"Men must wear shirts with collars"

http://newyork.going.com/invite-1743
INDULGE Fridays: The Afterwork Edition
@
VESTA
390 8th Ave (btwn W 29th & W 30th St) NYC
Your presence has been requested to come mix and mingle with mature professionals from the music, film, fashion, media and entertainment industries as we unwind and socialize bringing you 2 parties in 1 from 5pm-4am at this sexy and sophisticated two floor lounge located in the heart of Midtown by Madison Square Garden/Penn Station!!!
Doors Open Afterwork at 5pm
Hosted by: Total Industry
HAPPY HOUR 1/2 PRICE TOP SHELF DRINKS & FREE BUFFET 5PM-7PM
COME CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY FOR FREE!!!
FREE CAKE AND CHAMPAGNE FOR PARTIES OF 10 OR MORE GUESTS!!
ROTATING GUEST DJ'S WEEKLY
Spinning The Best In R&B-HipHop-Reggae-Old School-Classics
Complimentary Admission w/RSVP (Must RSVP by 3pm on Fridays)
CAN'T MAKE IT AFTERWORK???
THE PARTY CONTINUES FOR THE LATE NIGHT!!!
FABULOUS Fridays: THE SUMMER EDITION
DOORS OPEN 10PM UNTIL
OPEN BAR FOR LADIES 10:30PM-11:30PM
SUMMER SPECIAL MOET CHAMPAGNE $125 UNTIL 12MID!!!
MUSIC BY: DJ KOOL KID & SUPA DJ WAYNE SKI
Spinning R&B-HipHop-Reggae & Old School
Ladies Free Till 12mid/Gentlemen Free Till 11:30pm
Reduced After On Guestlist Only
General Admission $20
Club Dress Code Policy: Absolutely No Workboots/Fitted Caps/Hoodies or Athletic Wear
Jeans/Sneakers Are Accepted If Worn Tastefully
Men Collar Shirts Are MANDATORY (NO EXCEPTIONS)
VALID ID A MUST
FREE CAKE & CHAMPAGNE FOR BIRTHDAY PARTIES OF 15 OR MORE
COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE FOR PARTIES OF 25 OR MORE
(GRATUITY NOT INCLUDED)
TO RSVP/GUESTLIST: fabulousent2k@yahoo.com or 212.629.1786
PLEASE MENTION THAT YOU ARE ON FABULOUS ENTERTAINMENT'S GUESTLIST WHEN YOU ARRIVE
Directions: A,C, or E train to 34th Street or 1 and 9 train to 28th Street
This event is brought to you courtesy of Fabulous Entertainment/and your host Total Industry
www.myspace.com/fabulousent
www.myspace.com/totalindustry
Cost: Ladies free till 12mid/Men free
Official Site: http://www.myspace.com/fabulousent