There will be some sucking at this party

Once in awhile, I get something where I wonder how I got on the mailing list. This is one of those times.

Swank, or Stank?

It seems to me that these three shouldn't be sending out any un-retouched photos of themselves. As I opened this invite, I sat in silence, blinking, wondering what exactly the market is for this event? Love your leathery skinned ladies? I'm not sure if it is Roxanne, Miriam or Marianna who is the woman for you. I'm imagining an army of balding, middle aged men, wondering which of these three to make their late model trophy wives. And you can picture what delights must await you in the "sexy Lingerie party". I'm sure more than a few scars.

Take me home wednesdays? More like stay home wednesdays.

And don't forget, less is more.

Shudder.

This party will suck

Why it will suck:
This party is so exclusive that anybody and joonbug.com can go.
The headline reads: "Vogue Italia Party Hosted by Supermodels Eve Salvail & Caron Bernstein w/ Special Guest DJ Omi @ The Plumm (7/5/2007)"
This party is so exclusive that anybody on joonbug gets access to the "vip text list". BTW, your phone probably won't work in the vip area.
In the mailer, they list "The Plumm is Co-Owned by Noel Ashman, Chris Noth, David Wells, Jesse Bradford, Samantha Ronson, Joey McIntyre, David Wells, Bo Dietl, Damon Dash, Ethan Browne, Ann Dexter-Jones, Ross Robinson, Jason Grimsley and Simon Rex." Oh boy. Doesn't that make you feel special. Does any other place advertise their minority partners? Does anybody on earth other than fat suburban 30 something housewives with 3 kids want to party with an ex new kid on the block?

This party will suck

Why it will suck:
A) its in the Hamptons, playground for those who make NYC a more miserable place, driving up our rents. Seriously, I'm always happy to stay in Manhattan during the summer because all these douches are away.
B) its at a club called Le Flirt, which is le dumbest name I have heard in a long time.
C) Its for a magazine called "Social life" which is an incredibly uninteresting name for a magazine and couldn't possibly be for anyone that I would wish to be social with.

This party will suck

"admission is at the door persons discretion" is always a sign of suck. The doorpeople have crappy tastes obviously, if you have ever checked out the line here. The only reason to ever go to this joint is for the open bar on friday nights at crash mansion, and to amateur female jello wrestling, doing its swansong this sunday, July 8 at Crash Mansion. I hear the dj is awesome at that jello thing. www.jellowrestle.com

Stolen from myopenbar.com

"Vodka, Vodka and more Vodkaopen vodka bar, no cover (RSVP only)
10-11pm
Duvet
45 west 21st St.,btw. 5th and 6th Ave.Chelsea(212) 989-2121
The name of this party makes me shed a proud Russian tear while the party itself makes me gag on my hipster vomit. There's a "strict upscale and trendy dress code" and a DJ playing top 40, pop, r&b, house and 80s music. Call Guido, Sal and Tommy and RSVP before 4pm on the day of the event to partypromoternyc@yahoo.com. "

Why it will suck: The dress code and the top 40 and r and b say it all.